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by It's an Existential Crisis
Summary: Kakazu sends Hidan a text in class, but Hinata gets it instead. Rated T for wtf.    Really old, transferred from previous account.


It was the middle of class. Thank god I put my phone on vibrate, or everyone would've heard my 'bumble bee' ringtone. I nearly jumped three feet in the air when it did though. Who would text me in class? Not Kiba, not Shino... M-maybe Naruto..? Does he even have a cell phone?

Luckily Kurenai sensei didn't notice me take out my phone and I flipped it open in my desk. It was sent by the name, 'Kakuzu.' Kakuzu? Why is he texting me? Pein gave me his number just for emergencies. Did something happen?

Nervously, I begin to read. He used a lot of words I didn't know. And... and the word 'penis' kept showing up. A-and... he said he wanted to do things... It was really long... and there was something about tentacles...

"Hinata?" Kiba whispered, I jumped up, earning me a few suspicious glances. "What's wrong?" As I stared into his innocent eyes, I felt my own begin to burn, tears welling up. They were soft and quiet at first. Getting louder and louder. Kiba finally called Kurenai sensei over. 'No! Kiba-kun, please no! Don't let her read it!' But I helplessly handed my phone over to her and let her read the message. She started sweating.

"Hinata, do you know this man?" I just nodded. "I see. And does he text you often?" I shook my head, wiping away the tears. "M-my current hic guardian gave me his hic number just in hic case... I hic never see him..." I explained, softly. Kurenai nodded. "Kiba will you escort her to the nurse?" Kiba nodded vigorously, taking my head and pulling me out of the class room.

"What did it say?" Kiba asked, a bit scared, "Was it a threat?" He asked. I only cried some more when I thought about it. "Hinata! Y-your nose is bleeding!" Kiba stuttered. I put my hand u to my nose, and much to my surprise I was.

Kiba and I walked in silence, except for my tears... I felt very small... and... I believe Naruto had said the word some time before... he called it, 'brain rape.' Was that what th-that was?

Kiba stopped, and I just stopped with him. He was talking to someone. I looked up. "H-Hidan-kun..." I sobbed. "Hey, what's wrong?" Hidan whispered, bending down to face me. "K-Kakuzu..." I let the rest trail off. I didn't want to remember. Then Kakuzu walked by and I shrieked. "Hey, 'Kuzu! What did you do to Hinata?" Then he came over, and I hid behind Kiba. Kiba would protect me... r-right?

"Nothing." Kakuzu stated, in a tone that honestly had no clue. Then his eyes got really... lustful, and he turned to Hidan, "So, d'you get my text?" he said, wrapping an arm around Hidan. My eyes widened. Hidan looked up, as if trying to recall if he had, "No, I don't think so. Why, what did it say?" he smiled. I'm really not as dumb as I look. "Ka-Kakuzu..." I said, and they two turned to look at me. I sniffled, trying to steady my breathing before I continued, "...I got your text..."

Everyone's eyes were wide now, but not as much as Kakuzu's. He looked like he was about to faint, his dark skin turning red. Hidan just kind of looked at him. I wonder if he even knew what we were talking about... He had this... tendency to catch on very slowly...

"I-I'm sorry... Kurenai sensei has my phone now...sh-she read it..." If I thought he was going to faint before, I surely would now. The look on his face made me blush. He was really embarrassed... 'bare assed... no kidding...' I started crying again when I thought that. I was r-really scarred... for life...

Hidan finally leaned over to Kakuzu and whispered something. Kakuzu turned to him and whispered back. He whispered for a long time. When he finished, Hidan's face turned five different shades of red. "H-Hinata-chan... I'm really sorry..." I said, wide eyed, and almost as embarrassed as Kakuzu. "Hey, we better go to Kurenai and explain this..." Hidan said, proving my point where he wasn't as embarrassed as Kakuzu. Was he really fine with admitting that message was for him? Kakuzu looked like he didn't even want to admit he wrote it...

They did anyway. I was there with them. Kurenai was looking at the two disgusted the whole time.

I was so glad school was over by the end of it. I walked home with Hidan and Kakuzu, even though I really didn't want to. "Hinata, I really am sorry." Kakuzu said. "I would never do those things to you." Was that... a good thing? Yes! O-of course it was! But, I kind of mean the meaning behind that. I think Kakuzu read that on my face, "Uh, that is, unless you want me to..." Kakuzu turned away. Hidan looked absolutely appalled. I didn't say anything.

Then suddenly a really scary smile crept onto Hidan's face. "Threesome!"

**~*The End*~**


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